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Old Dogs or Cunning Old Shits
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Moderators: damijen, goth, BLACKSUNDAY, alf_ppp, Fitters
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alf_ppp
Thu Jul 28 2016, 12:59pm

Registered Member #7
Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1380
ahhhh......I like it
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atomicali
Sun Jul 31 2016, 01:33am
Registered Member #227
Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645
A mate of mine has two private box tickets in the members stand for for the 2016 AFL Grand Final. It includes business class airfares, all meals and booze, 5 star accommodation and private limo to and from the game.
But to his horror, he now realises that the match is on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead if him, It's at St Peter's Church in Osbourne Park, Perth.
Her name is Louise...
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alf_ppp
Sun Jul 31 2016, 05:38am

Registered Member #7
Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1380
ROFLMAO
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atomicali
Thu Dec 29 2016, 05:57am
Registered Member #227
Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally
fertile."

"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.
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alf_ppp
Thu Dec 29 2016, 03:18pm

Registered Member #7
Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1380
ROFLMAO
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atomicali
Thu Jun 21 2018, 01:56pm
Registered Member #227
Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645
Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Woolworths.


[ Edited Thu Jun 21 2018, 01:57pm ]
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alf_ppp
Fri Jun 22 2018, 08:30pm

Registered Member #7
Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1380
ROFL
Way to go.

A diet that works. I'm sure it'll catch on. If the source is on internet, it's gotta be good. he he
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