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Old Dogs or Cunning Old Shits

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Moderators: damijen, goth, BLACKSUNDAY, alf_ppp, Fitters

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alf_ppp

Thu Mar 07 2013, 08:20pm

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

atomicali

Mon Apr 15 2013, 07:22am

Registered Member #227

Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
The pitbull will stop biting if you smack it on the head.

Why is it called PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Why is it called PMS?
Women say it stands for and is the outcome of:
Putting up with Men's Shit.

alf_ppp

Mon Apr 15 2013, 08:27am

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

ROFL

atomicali

Thu Aug 15 2013, 07:18am

Registered Member #227

Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645

Frank can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.

Frank asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Frank says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says ok.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later the gives frank the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". Frank takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Frank starts feeling incredible pressure in his pants.

It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this his penis pops out of his pants, reaches across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.

His wife sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Frank says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my arse".

alf_ppp

Thu Aug 15 2013, 12:32pm

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

oh dear...ROFL

alf_ppp

Mon Apr 14 2014, 10:33pm

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

Game hating Senator Leland Yee pleads not guilty to charges of gun trafficking and soliciting bribes

At the end of last month we learned of the current circumstances surrounding San Francisco Senator Leland Yee, an avid anti-game crusader who had been arrested by the FBI on corruption and gun trafficking charges.

Now it seems as if the FBI’s case has moved forward, as last Tuesday Gamespot reports that the case was heard in the federal court. And as will surprise no one, he pled not guilty. The senator appeared alongside Keith Jackson, the political consultant portrayed as the senator’s link to corruption, who also pled not guilty. Yee declined to speak to reporters following his appearance, as did his lawyer, but he is expected to build a defense based on entrapment – a strategy which will keep him out of jail, but also probably out of public office for the rest of his life.

Click Here

AUSDV8

Thu Apr 17 2014, 09:43am

Registered Member #301

Joined: Sun Mar 02 2008, 03:16am
Posts: 321

f@rkin ROFL ali

sucked up his own public orifice alf?

alf_ppp

Thu Apr 17 2014, 12:35pm

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

That's about it, LOL

[ Edited Thu Apr 17 2014, 10:50pm ]

atomicali

Tue Mar 03 2015, 11:29pm

Registered Member #227

Joined: Wed Jun 20 2007, 12:28pm
Posts: 645

Fifty "Sheds" Of Grey – men's response to 50 shades ...

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall. But in the end we came to the conclusion that the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to Bunnings.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky !” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof..”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip.. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder !”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua ?”

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

“Are you sure you can take the pain ?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped.
“Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Are you sure you want this ?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.

“Punish me !” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can !”
“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

alf_ppp

Wed Mar 04 2015, 03:23am

Registered Member #7

Joined: Wed Aug 09 2006, 11:18pm
Posts: 1379

ROFLMAO

Covers it realistically

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